Posted by: keepfishing | October 14, 2009

Nature Goes Wild

It started with a bite. For some reason, every time I think of that line, Hot Chocolate’s ‘It Started With a Kiss’ comes into my head. Still, I never thought it would come to this.

Anyway, it started with a bite. And then another, and another. Which woke me up. Confused, I lay there a moment. Until I felt another bite, and something crawling along my arm. Reaching down, I located and crushed an ant, just in time to realise there was also one on my neck needing attention, and then one in my ear.

Grabbing my torch, a quick scan revealed a small cluster of ants on the bed, leading to a huge swarm on the window ledge. In my half-asleep state, the little blighters took on epic Indiana Jones-proportions and I panicked. I leaped out of bed, sprinted outside, and found a rock to perch on and inspect the ant-situation on the outside of our little sleeping hut in the half-morning light.

Rather alarmingly, I discovered 3 thick pathways of safari ants marching up and down the wall. If that wasn’t disturbing enough, their trails converged and formed a thick column surrounding the precarious rock i had chosen to use. I swiftly resolved not return to my bed and realised that I would be forced to sleep out the rest of the night on the veranda. Unfortunately, in my dazed panic, I managed to step off the rock, directly into the marching ant column. Anyone who knows something about safari ants, will know that is precisely the worst possible thing you can do. Upon being disturbed, the ants will immediately swarm and make a sprint up your leg heading for your genitals (I have no idea if that is actually their intended destination, but it sure feels like that).

So, no sooner had i put a foot down, i found ants excitedly crawling across my toes and beginning their rapid journey up leg. So I did what any other person would do in such a situation – I ran. Unfortunately this had no reducing effect on the biting that was being conducted. So I had to take the next logical step. And strip off my pyjama pants. That’s right. I ran (or rather hopped) down the path, struggling to pull off my pyjamas whilst simultaneously slapping at the little critters who were so joyously planting their fangs into my flesh.

Fortunately, by the time I had reached the sanctuary of the upstairs veranda, most of the insurgents were dead or stranded and lost, many metres from the herd. The left me to finish out the night lying on an assortment of cushions, procured from chairs in the vicinity, lying in mortal fear of a monkey jumping on my face.


  1. i wish there were photos. or better yet, video!

  2. ha ha ha! sorry, shouldn’t laugh but I can’t help it…

  3. ha! sorry, but it paints a funny picture in my mind!

  4. Oh my, that is one of the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. I do feel yoour pain though, if it had have been me I would have been so freaked out. Yuk!

  5. Didn’t your manliness make it through customs?

  6. I know you already told me this story the other day.. but it still made me cringe and laugh when I read it. You are a good writer. Have I ever told you that? 🙂 xx

  7. […] if you’re midly nostalgic and want to read again about how I got woken in the night covered in army ants, the same day I got bitten by a dog, or want to relive the Fable of Honest Sammy and the diving […]

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