Posted by: keepfishing | April 10, 2008

Paris Hilton, the Third Reich and a purpose in life


I’m not sure how many of you will be aware, for it fortunately immediately slipped into anonymity amid record breaking non-attendances, but The Paris Hilton Machine™ recently released a movie. The Hottie and the Nottie is a film starring Ms Hilton as an attractive girl, i.e. the ‘hottie’, who runs into an old classmate that has always has the hots for her (interestingly, this has recently happened to a school friend of mine, although that story has had happier conclusions). Alas, Paris has nobly taken a vow of chastity and refuses to date until her friend also gets a date.

Unfortunately for our hero, the friend is rather unattractive (read, ‘an impossibly grotesque extra from a zombie movie’), hence being lumbered with the label, the ‘nottie’.

And so it goes on. The three minutes I graciously allowed the trailer to take up seemed to indicate a kind of Shallow Hal story. Presumably, the Nottie will turn out to have sharp wit, a generous heart and an Einsteinian mind. Realising this, the bloke concerned will chastise himself for his shallow heart, reject Paris’ glossy veneer and fall madly in love with the person inside the ugly shell.

Fortunately, someone else got paid to watch it so I didn’t have to and it turns out that that wasn’t how the story went after all. Apparently, the Nottie gets plastic surgery, emerges like a beautiful butterfly from her chrysalis, and only then does our less-than-impressive protagonist realise he may be chasing the wrong hen.

The moral of the story? Beauty is only skin deep. Spend enough money, and you can also look like everything else emerging from the product line of Hollywood. Or, if you prefer, I’m sure they can do you up like Jordan (ahem, Katie Price). Not only is this endorsed by Paris Hilton by agreeing to act in it (probably not a surprise anyway), but she’s also an executive producer in the enterprise, meaning that she actually had some decision making responsibility in the whole shebang (again, probably not a surprise). 

Does she redeem herself by being able to act? Nope, not according to Mark Kermode (but you can see for yourself in the trailer). Apparently, Paris makes it through the film with virtually no facial expression, drawing comparisons to be made between her, the Stepford Wives and an Aryan ideal of the Third Reich. With such a vapid persona, blinkered view of life (see The Simple Life) and shallow attempts to reinforce bad body image issues in teenage girls, the question is oft asked – what on earth is Paris Hilton’s purpose in life??

It would be too easy to dismiss the question saying she has no purpose and, after much pondering, I believe I have come across the answer. Paris Hilton plays an integral role in our societal make up. 

In an environment where Heat, Hello and OK magazines fly off the shelf telling girls where Posh Spice gets her nails done, and shows like Cribs telling us how the stars live, we live in a culture where a lot of people want to be someone else, preferably one of those famous types I’ve seen on TV.

Well, Paris balances the equation. Whilst she is just one girl against the tide of desirable glamour, her sheer weight of pointless activity easily tips the scales. She epitomises wastefulness, shallowness, distaste and all the things we don’t value in our friends. When we see her, we can confidently say, “I DON’T want to be Paris.”

And if, for some freakish reason you do, I want to know at least 10 reasons why. And a preference for small, yappy dogs doesn’t count.



  1. She’s in another film called House of Wax, whose only redeeming feature is the fact that she dies in it.

    Someone should tell her she isn’t even all that anyway.

  2. Alasdair. You are awesome. You managed to make a Paris story include a profound lesson AND a bit of humour. Well done. 🙂 I am glad you are my friend.

  3. please write something else. being confronted by that picture every time i check your blog is starting to make me feel nauseus (sp?)




    yeah, prob right first time.

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